I Know, Another Post – and It’s Not Even Christmas!

on WasteBook, starting from here:
and moving on to here:
there’s been an ongoing semi-sorta discussion in post comments about the depiction of females in fantasy art and the practicality of most depictions of female armor, or rather the incredible lack thereof.
which of course led my mind some strange places…

Gerda walked into the long hall, her normally goat-milk white skin tinged blue with the bitter cold.
“Odin’s shriveled nutsack, War-Bitch, have you lost your mind?” Olaf One-Pinkie exclaimed, taking in the sight of her – two tiny plates of steel over the nipples of her not-inconsiderable breasts and another plate cutting into the flesh of her warrior thighs as it strained to cover her naughty bits.
Gerda War-Bitch replied, “I-I-I have de-de-decid-ed-ed t-t-to dr-dress l-l-like I-I-I kn-know y-y-you w-w-want me t-t-t-too.” Her teeth chattered from her exposure to the fierce winds whipping off the fjords outside.
“Since when have you ever done a damned thing we wanted you too?” Porgr One-Ear said. “Don’t get me wrong, Gerda, I’ll be rememberin’ this and usin’ it to pound one out in this life and the next, but I ain’t goin’ into battle with ya dressed like that.”
“I j-j-just thought it-it’d b-b-be a nice thing t-t-t-to d-d-do for you g-g-guys,” she stammered, only slowly warming up.
“We appreciate it,” said Thaars One-Nut. “But you won’t be able to fight, you’ll be too cold. We won’t be able to fight, we’ll be starin’ at you. Them little Irish fuckers, they’ll be able to fight ’cause if they win, they’ll be humpin’ you, dead or alive, ’til that whole wretched island is one big peat bog. Dressed like that, you’re motivatin’.”
“Y-y-you g-g-guys are the g-g-greatest, I’m gonna go armor up,” Gerda said, turning to leave.
“Uh, Gerda,” Einar One-Nostril said, staring at her naked ass, “could you just let us look a little more before you do?”
And that was when she took her ax to them.

okay, quickie (and not-so-quickie) book review time:
“Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator” by Karina Fabian – okay, given the fact that i consider puns the lowest form of humor, a viewpoint bolstered by knowing a wealth of people in my life over the years who’ve considered them the highest form of humor, the title alone should have been warning.
It wasn’t. i listened to a friend and ended up with a book i had to chew my way through, short section by short section, praying it got better.
it’s not that the writing is bad, but if you’re going to base 25% of your humorous content on funny, punny names, and the other 75% is going to be ridiculous, dumb humor injected into the story with no regard for the scene you’re so cruelly violating (example: stereotypical greedy lawyer behavior in the middle of a zombie outbreak, to the risk of his own life, for a cheap laugh) while trying to play other scenes straight… you can write that shit however well you want – it doesn’t work. at least not for me, and as this is My review, i’ll stick with my opinion.
there’s a reason this review, or any review, of the story won’t be appearing on Amazon – i go into this with my own prejudices, i know it, and it would be too much like something i despise – people who aren’t fans of a genre reviewing and bad-mouthing books or films in that genre.
but, if like me your tastes run nowhere near puns, not even in the same fucking country as puns, avoid it.
“Angelfall” by Susan Ee – for no known reason, the Angelic Host has descended on Earth and is kicking the living shit out of the human race. cities devastated, millions dead, world ending, game over.
there are a lot of superb ideas in this book, a lot of great characters, some really creative work, and i recommend it highly.
my only nitpick with it is the paranormal romance trope, where the two characters most unlikely to get together are going to do just that, you know it, the only suspense is how the author manages to justify it. i read quite a lot of paranormal romances, i enjoy them when they’re well done, although the sub-genre’s being well-done-to-death these days. this book doesn’t get crazy with it. for a formula, it’s handled well. and it’s only a very minor quibble in an otherwise imaginative and exemplary read.

“Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows” in theaters – there is so much to love about this film, but i must avoid spoilers. suffice it to say, as the end credits were running, i looked at Dorris and said “i want the blu ray… NOW.” in a discussion with a friend, incredibly talented writer Rachel Brune, i determined that for me, it’s Victorian Action Adventure – comes Real Close to steampunk in one scene, but as it’s just that one scene, i can’t call it either steampunk or Victorian science fiction. i’m okay with that, but my mind keeps wanting to see Holmes in those genres… (Sherlock Holmes in “The Cavorite Connection” or “The USS Abraham Lincoln Affair” or “Incident at the Baltimore Gun Club”)
great cast, lots of fun (and for Karina Fabian – plenty of examples of finding the potential humor in a scene and using it, without blunting the impact of the scene as a whole). three (as we went to see it with Goober Lee) very enthusiastic thumbs up.

well, as today is the beginning of Write or Die on the steampunk vampires story, i bid you all a fond adieu.

Listening to: my own nonsense lyrics to Dylan’s “Desolation Row” running in my head
Mood: Chrisannukakwanzasolstice-y

Leave a Reply