High on my List of Ways NOT to Wake Up…

is from nightmares like this one – potential triggers –

so i’m trying to help someone find their Sunday School class in the old First Baptist Church in S’ville, now even more horribly labyrinthine than it was in reality, and another man and younger woman are looking for something as well so they join the parade, but it’s not the church, it’s a hospital and the younger woman is looking for a doctor – nothing in her tone or behavior indicates anything too serious, so i tell her i’m a doctor (’cause in the dream i suddenly am), she doubts me, i tell her ‘graduated med school and everything – first year resident’ but we can’t find an examination room so we’re standing in the hallway when she tells me she’s been raped and needs an anal swab so i grab a kit and i’m looking around for somewhere private to do this – she’s very serious in tone and behavior now – but there’s nowhere to be found so i grab a passing nurse and she directs me to a restroom – except it’s a restroom with a plywood dutch door that won’t close all the way, top or bottom, and this poor woman drops her pants and panties – i’m trying to get a good swab of her anus, trying to get her to relax a little so she does and i not only get my swabbing but this dessicated, husk-like piece of shit, white and kind of dusty, falls out into my hand – i take a sample of that as well but that’s when i realize this ‘kit’ is woefully inadequate for protecting lab samples, much less potential evidence, so i have to improvise, using a scalpel to whittle a hole in the bottom of an empty medicine bottle to protect the swab and using a sandwich bag for the feces. the woman disappears and i’m suddenly paranoid as shit so the samples are in one hand and the scalpel’s in the other while i go wandering through this maze of rooms to find the lab – i find a lab, but they’re analyzing core samples of soil, but the woman working there sees i’m on the edge of freaking out and promises to make sure the samples get to the right place. the scene fades to my superior’s office – i’ve been brought in with that whole ‘prepare yourself for disappointment’ vibe and in strides this man who claims that any accusation of rape is ludicrous, it was consensual sex that the victim later regretted and besides, the samples were so mishandled as to be useless in a court of law and somewhere in these protestations he’s turned into the woman’s mother who proceeds to try and destroy her daughter’s character and honesty, so it’s better to let the whole thing drop says the mother and my superior but in the meantime i’m seeing through the daughter/young woman’s eyes and they’ve put her in a very form-fitting cage, leaning it back at about a 45 degree angle – the bars are electrified and so’s she and she’s screaming and screaming and screaming…

now that it’s on the page maybe it’ll get out of my head…

Listening to: the morning quiet of the house
Mood: really sucky at the moment

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